A Heartless Queen Feels No Pain
by SiriAnna33
Summary: Seconds more and she wouldn't have to feel a thing. It's what she wanted, so why couldn't she do it? This is what I imagined when we heard that Regina would be ripping her own heart out. A little late to be posting this, but better late than never, right?


Her fingers hovered above her breast, tingling magic collecting in the tips. She could do it. She could do it right now, and then she wouldn't have to feel a thing. Wouldn't have to feel that stabbing pain, the pain that was so persistent it was physical. A kind of agony she hadn't felt since Daniel died. T

hey were there in her mirror, smiling, laughing.

She'd never get to hear that laugh again, not really. It wasn't the same through the mirror. Everything was muffled, it was like looking through a window.

It wasn't real.

The sinking of her finger into her flesh felt like nothing more than a pinprick compared to the torment she felt inside, but she cried out when the rest of her hand sank into her chest. It was funny-she'd done this to millions as a punishment, and now she was doing it to herself as an act of relief. She moved quickly, wrapping her hand around her heart until she had a firm grip on the throbbing organ.

Seconds more and she wouldn't have to feel a thing. It's what she wanted, so why couldn't she do it? It's what mother did. It worked for mother, it would work for her.

"Regina?" The voice echoed through the chamber and she squeezed her eyes shut, willing the other woman to go away. "Regina, no!" Please, please, go away.

The footsteps quickened to a run. Of course Snow would try and ruin this for her too.

She didn't mean that. Not really. But it felt good to think it.

Within seconds the woman's arms were around her from behind, one of Snow's hands wrapping around the arm that was wrist-deep in her chest. "Regina. Regina, please." Panicked. Snow always panicked. "Please don't do this, there's another way. There's always another way." Another way. Another way for what? She'd never have a way back to the one thing that actually mattered.

"Regina, please listen to me." Softer now, and with her free hand resting on Regina's shoulder as she inched the other towards the hand buried in the Queen's chest.

"Why?" She spoke softly, trying to swallow back the tears that burned at her eyes. If she could just do it, she wouldn't be crying.

"Regina, please."

Of course she couldn't come up with a reason.

"Why?" She barked, the word harsh and choked. "Why can't I?" She tightened her grip, just slightly, almost enjoying the jolt of pain that spread through her chest.

Snow was tugging gently on her wrist now. She almost let go, almost allowed the girl to pull her hand safely out of her chest. No. She curled her hand tighter again, and Snow relaxed her grip so that their skin barely brushed.

"Why," She repeated, words just over a whisper. The tears were falling now, landing in tiny pools on Snow's hand. "Tell me. Why shouldn't I? I can't go back. I can't see him." She paused. So what was the point? It wasn't like she could... "I...I can't be happy without him."

Snow was rubbing her shoulder now. "Because, Regina. We need you. I need you."

She snorted. "I won't die, you know. I just won't have to…" She trailed off, unable to finish her sentence. "I won't have to feel…"

"I know," Snow whispered. "And I know it sounds like an attractive option right now but it's not the way." She paused, encircling Regina's wrist once more. "You can find a way to be happy."

After a moment Regina released her heart with an audible sigh, though she left her hand in her chest. "And what if I can't?"

"You can." Snow pulled, and this time Regina let her take the hand with her. "I promise you, you can."

As the ends of her fingertips slipped from her chest, Regina let herself collapse into the younger woman, allowing herself just a moment of comfort. When Snow took it as more than a moment and tugged her into a crushing embrace, she didn't fight it, only tried to silence the sobs that were racking her body.

"I know," Snow murmured. "It'll be okay. We'll find them, alright, Regina? I promise, we'll find them."


End file.
